There are annoying people and then there are those that can make you want to give them a hi5 in the face, with a chair. The middle finger works just fine at most of such occasions but for those times when you’re actually in the mood for a war of words, here are 26 hilarious ways to insult someone without actually abusing them! And you know what’s more fun than insulting someone you hate? Insulting your best friend, because, let’s face it, nobody annoys you like them!
1. If you have a problem with me, write it on a piece of paper, fold it and stick it up your ass.
2. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
3. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
4. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
5. Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
6. Which sex position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
7. Maybe you should eat make up so you can be pretty on the inside, bitch.
8. Shut up, you’ll never be the man your mother is.
9. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
10. You’re so ugly; when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
11. There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.
12. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid.
13. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
14. I’d slap you but that will be animal abuse.
15. If I had a penny for every brain cell you have, I’d have nothing.
16. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
17. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
18. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
19. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
20. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
21. I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
22. The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
23. You’re like the universe, constantly expanding.
24. Save your breath… You’ll need it to blow up your date.
25. You have the perfect face for radio.
26. Bitch you’re like Monday, nobody likes you.